and so my decision

So given that only a handful out  of 70% of ovulatory cycles post age 40 are fertile, how would one respond to the question as posed by my obstetrician? I am sure that there are women out there who would see a pregnancy at 40+ as a calamity to be avoided at all costs,my mother for one ...but there are a lot more who would appreciate this as the miracle of life,birth,nature and the whole darn lot!
I am one of those women, after trying for  many years to have a little family and for that last elusive child I was over the moon and NOTHING and NO ONE was going to rain on my parade....
So as the risk of a miscarriage during and post invasive diagnostic tests  is higher than a natural risk of any genetic defects I declined any invasive tests
You must all understand that my daughter who was born when I was 34 years old has Turner's Syndrome and because of my being "in the right" age group for pregnancy no diagnostics were offered as I was not at risk! So I chose to let Mother Nature decide,considering my daughter is a joy and I would not exchange her with any other,nor change the circumstances of her birth for all the tea in China, I faced any "risk" with equanimity and in fact a positiveness beyond my usual state of mind .

The Age Factor

Here we are discussing that dreaded word...age..
yes we like to think of it as a number sadly however it does have an impact on fertility and consequences of age can impact on pregnancy and birth but it is not as dire as the medical profession wants us to think.
Between 41 and 45 years of age  only a small percentage of ovulatory cycles are fertile compare to 50% in the 18 to 25 yr age group (Trewinnard K Dr 1999 table pge 58) and 80% in the 26 to 40 year age group.
At age 40 there is a  risk of conceiving a baby with Downs Syndrome as 1 in 30 babies,and at  45 years plus that increases to 1 in 12 babies,but this is exactly that a risk assessment.Other factors filter in this such as maternal genetic history, ages of menopause in maternal mother and grandmother,health of the ova, overall maternal fitness, lifestyle choices.
If a woman  over 40 falls pregnant ,there is no need for doom and gloom many of the risks are associated with the overall maternal health. health status often deteriorates with age but if a woman leads a healthy lifestyle and is in overall good health pregnancy can be achieved and overall the risks are just that risks which also affect younger age groups at any one time...
Age is not the only factor which governs conception,pregnancy and birth

At the Obstetrician Part 2

So there we were at an age when many are faced with grandparenthood we were going to have a baby, wow~! We felt 20 years younger, giggling between us at how we beat the odds!! Odds..did I say odds well the well meaning obstetrician was not going to forget about the odds now was he?

So exactly are we talking about here???
Ok before I scare everyone half to death ,let me tell u guys that as I am a Registered Nurse specialising in Paediatrics and my lovely husband is a midwife ,coupled with the fact that my eldest daughter whom I had at the "safe age" of 34 has Turners Syndrome we knew all about the "odds"
Nevertheless we sat through and listened
Increased "risk " of Downs Syndrome at 40+ the odds are about 1 in 4
Increased risk of placenta praevia
Increased risk of hypertension
Increased risk of congenital birth defects
Increased risk of miscarriage
and so on
yes,yes we thought

However ,we said,we have  also nursed women with all of the above in pregnancy and postpartum in their 20's and 30's
we have cared for children with genetic issues whose mums were only in their 20's
so who is right ,who is wrong?
we remained unfazed, we were keeping this baby and will meet any obstacles if and when they arose, together

At the Obstetrician's

The obstetrician experience
so exciting!
my very excited husband and I are sitting nervously in the waiting room...
We are ushered in by Dr G
once we sit down we are met with the " so what do you want to do about it?" after telling the doctor our exciting news..
Sorry??? Are we hearing this correctly? what do we want to do about it?????
This is a miracle..a gift from the Goddess...
well we are going to have our baby I replied...to which the Dr starts telling us all of the dire statistics associated with a " geriatric pregnancy" I dont care I tell him..I will face all and anything..
Then he proceeds to tell us about the miscarriage rates, the mortality and morbidity etc
Then he commences to push for amnios, CVS etc
No we tell him we dont want anything like this ...nothing...
I reply well u know what I have been through failed IVF with all of the emotional,physycal and financial cost which it entailed
I am now pregnant naturally at 43, with a 4% successful pregnancy rate in this age group..and I cannot believe that any mother would not wish to keep her baby in this situation
we are well established,mature,healthy,wise or not so wise I dont care

we are having this baby!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!

what happens next

mmmmm...I wake up 3 days after the big day ...am I late? when were my last periods? no idea..
OMG!!!! what has happened now..a small liquid bleed during intercourse???? My head is in a spin..
out come my ancient nursing studies text books..Anatomy and Physiology..check
Alternate States of Health ..check..thats it I think, I must have on of those horrible gynae cancers that persecute women in their 40's
I ring my Dr...Thank God you are there I wail..my ever patient dr says what is wrong now? I am dying dying I say to him...I dont want to lose my bits ? what bits he says ..well I reply I can have any number of diseases..endometrial cancer, the unmentionable one please dont let it be the unmentionable one..please God I pray..or worse WORSE it could be the menopause...after listening to this for a while my doctor says "Have you thought you may be pregnant?" Dont be silly I say I cant get pregnant Im too old!!!! I have spent 4 years waiting for the double pink lines,the blue positive cross sign,every month only to feel the heartbreak of disappointment time and time again...
"Well " he says" it wont hurt to check just the once"
TEN pregnancy tests later...I sit and stare in wonder..there are 2 pink lines,2 pink double lines,2 blue lines,2 blue positive lines..many blue + symbols ,test after test after test
I tell my friend ..we hug..Im too scared to tell my husband..what if I miscarry like last time ???
Eventually I tell him
it will be our secret we say
How can one keep secret such a thing..you are so happy your heart threatens to burst ..you are so scared your heart sinks..
As I sit in wonder surrounded by 10 positive blue and pink lines

3 positive tests that I kept

and the story goes like this

We gave up what else could we do? Our age certainly did not help and neither did our finances..I have 2 beautiful children who love you too I told my husband..so we got on with life.
It so happened that my very elderly maternal grandmother who had her last baby at 48 years of age was hoping that we would renew our vows in a Church..well its not my sort of thing , but my husband was all for it..why not?  We could have a party,I think deep down it was important to him..I am not an extreme Pagan by that I mean that I respect all religions and beliefs I wont force my ways on anyone just like I dont appreciate having anyone else's ways forced on me..We had had our legal marriage as a Wiccan handfasting so why not? Plus I got to dress up again..I threw myself into preparations
A masquerade reception what fun!!!
It wasnt until I went to zip up my dress 3 days before the wedding that I noticed a very slight change barely noticeable ..but my dress did not zip up! Oh no! I didnt look fatter!!!! I had this beautiful beautiful lace Pronovias gown that could not be done up...I did have an extra on stand by...I just cant resist a beautiful dress ..but it definitely was not the ONE! Regardless the day went ahead..and much fun was had by all

The Beginning ....Sowing the harvest

And so it was that on a warm  late winter afternoon  in 2006 we found ourselves sitting in the waiting room of the local reproductive medicine and infertility clinic ,why were we there? Well 6 months previously we had lost our very much wanted baby and we were advised due to our age to seek IVF help.
Let me please be honest here..I found both IVF clinics we attended to have no such honesty
when queried about the success rate of  couples where mothers are over 36 years of age they will skirt around the issue,beat about the bush and keep regurgtating statistics for under 35 year old women with primary infertility..that is infertility caused  as a result of a primary medical reason like polycystic disease or severe endometriosis.
Honestly! Thats not what either of us wanted ,as a registered nurse married to a male midwife ..I wanted facts ..I wanted to know success rates and most importantly failure rates among the over 40 's.
This information was never given
We were by then caughte up within the system,I duly injected, was poked ,prodded,investigated ...I found out that the biological age of my eggs was about 32 which was good to hear..Unfortunately only 4 were harvested ..I informed them of my retroverted uterus which was duly ignored and the specialist implanted the embryos ,which were healthy ..blindly with no ultrasound assistance..the pain was horrendous..It will not surprise anyone to find out  that 3 attempts and $12000 later there was no success.
What these  clinics will not tell you is that a successfull pregnancy for the over 40's is about 15 % which is basically the same as Mother Nature's
What they do not tell you is that suppressng ovulation for the "right moment " to implant can cause an increased risk of premature menopause in women over age 35.

What they do not inform you of is the havoc wreaked by them playing with your hormones on your physical and psychological status

Everytime I went in for visits bloods etc I would be confronted with my sad sorry self in the form of other anxious women aged 40 plus..
Three attempts no more I said,Im not stupid or deluded enough to believe platitudes etc
This is what I found ..if the reproductive clinins tell you that your chances of conceiving a healthy pregnancy at age 40 plus are exactly the same as letting nature take its course would you be there? of course not
If they told you that treatment could induce early and permanent menopause you would run a mile!

the over 40's are their bread and butter,they are often financially stable with assets that they  can draw on and pay thousands and thousands of dollars for an empty dream...the clinics know this..the success rates in that age group are poor and do not warrant the heavy emotional cost ...
We gave up .I was lucky I had my 2 children from my previous relationship..a loving husband I considered myself and blessed...

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